It sounds like the game isn't fun for you anymore, or never was to begin with. So why do you keep trying to convince yourself you still wanna play this game? I mean everyone is different, but it seems it would be better off for you to just let the game go and find something else to do.

You don't need to envolve yourself in the community to play, when I was a kid the only thing I wanted out of my experience was just to be great at Toribash, the friends are nice for some, but im hot headed at the best of times, so why not just let go of trying to be everyones friend and just beat them all up instead, And if they want you to pay for it then go beat someone else up.