sounds pretty good so far... i like the casual speech writing style, it contrasts well with the middle-ages feel of the characters and ties them to modern times, but you should improve your phrasing a bit before writing the final product (ill bring up some examples later). for now, here's the other character idea i promised.
Name: Ravenger
Age: 117
Location: hell
Backstory: he was once a happy, middle-class business man who was perfectly content with his uneventful, married life. however, a week after the birth of his first child, his wife revealed that the child was not really his, but that she had found someone else she wished to spend her life with and they were leaving together. in a fit of confused rage, he killed her and subsequently went insane. he lost all interest in anything other than what he called "the fine art of making someone squirm at your feet", brutally torturing, and finally killing hapless victims in creative ways. after his murdrous rampage was finally ended and he was tried and hanged, he continued his occupation in hell, working his way up to be chief of tourture on the 5th level. he has always envied kayne and plots behind his back to kill him one day and thus take his position. one day he is sent on a mission "up top" to track down a certain young woman and ensure that she ends up in hell (they can not influence humans directly, but strong willed demns can influence thoughts and provide temptations). He locates the grl only to realize that she is the great-grand-daughter of his late wife (the kind of cruel joke that the "higher ups" in hell enjoy most
). seeing her, he finally snaps out of the insanity that has possessed him for so long and thinks that the one thing he might do to payback his wife for all the strife he caused is to ensure that the grl ends up in heaven instead. he remains with her, trying to influence all her actions for good instead, but when his boss hears about what he's up to, he sends out minions to capture and bring him back and then take care of the job he was sent to do. Ravenger must find out why this particular grl is so important to them if he is ever going to save her, but time is running out...
Personality: think american psycho, slips with ease between normal, every day topics and murdr
Gender: male
Appearance: he still wears the old business suit he had on the day he came home and killed his wife. tall, dark, and (if not for the bloodstains and fiery eyes) handsome as well.
Weapon: he uses a myriad of... interesting weapons. knives, flails, crews, you name it
Extra stuff: maybe switch back and forth between his point of view and the grl's. he can see her, but she cant see him so it might add some interesting suspense and the like
Name: Ravenger
Age: 117
Location: hell
Backstory: he was once a happy, middle-class business man who was perfectly content with his uneventful, married life. however, a week after the birth of his first child, his wife revealed that the child was not really his, but that she had found someone else she wished to spend her life with and they were leaving together. in a fit of confused rage, he killed her and subsequently went insane. he lost all interest in anything other than what he called "the fine art of making someone squirm at your feet", brutally torturing, and finally killing hapless victims in creative ways. after his murdrous rampage was finally ended and he was tried and hanged, he continued his occupation in hell, working his way up to be chief of tourture on the 5th level. he has always envied kayne and plots behind his back to kill him one day and thus take his position. one day he is sent on a mission "up top" to track down a certain young woman and ensure that she ends up in hell (they can not influence humans directly, but strong willed demns can influence thoughts and provide temptations). He locates the grl only to realize that she is the great-grand-daughter of his late wife (the kind of cruel joke that the "higher ups" in hell enjoy most
). seeing her, he finally snaps out of the insanity that has possessed him for so long and thinks that the one thing he might do to payback his wife for all the strife he caused is to ensure that the grl ends up in heaven instead. he remains with her, trying to influence all her actions for good instead, but when his boss hears about what he's up to, he sends out minions to capture and bring him back and then take care of the job he was sent to do. Ravenger must find out why this particular grl is so important to them if he is ever going to save her, but time is running out...Personality: think american psycho, slips with ease between normal, every day topics and murdr
Gender: male
Appearance: he still wears the old business suit he had on the day he came home and killed his wife. tall, dark, and (if not for the bloodstains and fiery eyes) handsome as well.
Weapon: he uses a myriad of... interesting weapons. knives, flails, crews, you name it
Extra stuff: maybe switch back and forth between his point of view and the grl's. he can see her, but she cant see him so it might add some interesting suspense and the like
u mad tho :)
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