I really need a good laugh. I've watched so many stupid movies lately and heard so many lame jokes it makes me sick. I want to hear something funny.

So...everyone post your funniest jokes here. The only rules are:

1. Maximum of 3 Jokes
2. No repeat jokes - if someone already said it, dont use it.
3. No knock-knock Jokes - they stopped being funny in 2nd grade
4. No Racist Jokes - some people get offended :/
5. Cursing is allowed ...

That's all! Hope to see something funny. Oh...and your motivation is 5,000 TC for the funniest joke.

This ends whenever...i dont know

Ok this isn't a joke but when ever I think about this I always burst out laughing.

image some one trying to kickflip a cat?

first you'd stomp on its tail and it wud be like meouch! and scramble about and then you start twatting it in the face with your front foot, bosh. here's a picture I made of how I imaged it. XD

<--- Funny stuff 8/10

The caption is "MEOOUUCH! My Face!" (you have to imagine it in a cat voice)

-disclaimer- In no way do I condone cruelty to animals, this isn't serious, If your disgusted by this your obviously part of the joke itself.

Now that's British Humour.

I'm not that good but...

Your mum's so ugly she went to the ugly competition and the organisers said,"sorry no professionals".

You're so stupid you got run over by a parked car!

You're so stupid you rang me up just to get my phone number!

Well yeah I only got dissin jokes... <--- Overrall 6/10

Those are funny but let's see what else we get. Runner-up will get 2.5k TC!

Pardon my invasion. but I have a funny joke. don't count me in the comp though.

Wanna here a joke?

womens rights <--- 4/10

1 whats a womens point of view?
from the kitchen window.

2 why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton for 2 hours?
it said concentrate on the carton

3 there were 3 men in a car named shut up manners and shit. shut up was driving fast and took a sharp turn. then shit fell out of the window so manners jumped out after him to try and save him. then shut up was stopped by a police man and the police man said whats your name? and shut up said shut up so the police man said were is your manners and he said jumped out of the window to save shit.
~Ruadhan<--- Overrall 7/10

Nice. The comp is for everyone not just members

oh, so I can compete?


here is another one.

how many women, does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Screw it, the bitch can cook in the dark. <--- 6/10

The two funniest i know are (their big ) :

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
The man says: "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." <--- 6/10
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Two women’s went to a bar and got incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!' <--- 8/10

awesome avatar fcpavao, your second joke was pretty good. No match for animal cruelty tho....


-disclaimer- seriously animal cruelty is not cool and I don't condone it.


you know I've been wandering what else you could say and get away with if you just put a disclaimer at the bottom?


(j/k)