Maybe Papa Frosty can help here.
Look, I think you are trying too hard to fit other people's standards. Shovels ingame happen to everyone. It's not like people say, "Oh jeez it's Bob, we better not shovel him."
You honestly shouldn't care what anyone else says to you or care how they think. Toribash is a game for fighting. Image does not matter.
If you are respected by some people, great, props to you. If you aren't, don't sweat it. It doesn't matter.
Friends come and go, there are billions of other people out there, don't sweat it.
Hope this helps a bit buddy.

I'm sure they do and that they aren't meant to like attack someone but it was and example for how easily I am questioning this stuff. Its not that being shoveled keeps me awake all night but I guess in combination with the rest of everything it just feels idk painfull to me.

But I would like advice to be more focused on my real life.

Thank you frost <3

I went through some similar feelings when i was a freshman in High school. Where just seemed the world was against me, just every little thing somehow took me down lower. I was/am really shy and i just hid in my room in the cover of games as my alternate reality. Tbh I would spend hours with my headset on and no other human interaction. That didnt stop for a while after words, until Sr year. When I read a some quotes early the summer before about looking at everything in a positive way. I went from thinking the world was on my shoulders and judging my moves, too, waking up one day saying fuck drugs fuck the haters, I'm awesome because i am me, and that is enough to make this teddy bear happy. I know it is hard to think of the positive in a negative world, you know, I was told once, "You will never make anyone happy, until you are happy with yourself." I have taken that to heart every time i feel down. Ive never been good at advice, i can just tell you you arnt alone, you always got icon

Yo, i'm not even gonna lie my dog, I'm feeling this way everyday. See that quote in my sig? That's what I feel like everyday because I feel the same way as you. But people always tell me to keep my head up, it'll get better, I guess you should too. Imo it doesn't work for me but maybe it will for you.

So just say fuck everything and fuck everybody, focus on yourself before focusing on others.

If you haven't listen to "i" by kendrick lamar or "alright" by him too and it'll always kinda bring my mood up I guess.

(if you're wondering why I don't follow my own advice, i'm different man"

idek who you are and you're bumming me out
stop expecting people to give back when you do favors
that's not how being nice works

to answer your feelings about you losing your friends, maybe you aren't meant to be friends
losing friends is a part of life so hanging on to lost causes is a waste of effort, emotions and time
you should just get over it
life gets worse and you're probably not that old so you should be appreciative of what YOU take for granted every day

major key alert you should stop even trying to impress anybody else other than yourself, exceed your expectations and be more confident in yourself, you got nothing to lose, people come and go. And why would you give a shit about someone shoveling in a game? This game really isnt meant for anybody to respect anyone really, it's just for you to play however YOU want too, other people think different in this game and most can give a shit what others think about what they do, like me
major key my friend

You think the problem is that people don't respect you, but I don't think that's the real problem here.

First off, don't go looking for people playing a game on the internet to care about your feelings or 'respect' you. Ain't gonna happen. Expecting it to happen will only make you feel shit.

If your friends in real life don't care about or want to hang out with you, go make other friends. You say that's difficult because you're shy and you lack the confidence - That is your real problem. You need to research ways to develop confidence. Once you have confidence you won't have any problems making new friends or requesting stuff from people. People are naturally drawn to confident people - Confidence is attractive.

tl;dr - It's not them, it's you. Don't act like a victim. You control how you think and feel, not other people.

To be completely honest, you sound like the exact opposite of me as I tend to feel bad when I'm not capable of showing someone the attention/love/care they want or need.
People tend to show that they care for me, miss me, etc (generally my family members, etc)

However, I don't connect with them on an emotional level like that and that may sound like I'm some sort of sociopath or psycho but I'm really not.
I do have a very strong morale of whats right and wrong, perhaps too strong as I see that me not being able to feel "love" or "grief" or w/e for say hurt/sick family members, etc. It's quite hard for me to explain.
You feel like no one respects you or cares about your feelings, and I feel like I'm one of those people that are incapable of caring about someone and show them "feelings" and this decreases my confidence of self worth by a large amount which is why I tend to not hang around other people and keep to myself most of the time. I feel like I don't belong, that I'm not "normal" (there really is no normal, but still) and I feel like I'm better off alone so I can't hurt others.

My mother attempted suicide and my sister, and cousins were crying/freaking out and my grandma was not crying but she was upset and confused as to why she would do it. People handle things like that differently as I've witnessed first hand, and I honestly didn't feel anything... to me it was just another day with the possible death of my mother. (sounds really bad i know)....... ANYWAYS

My grandmother, father, and mother have all asked me why I never simply say "goodmorning or hi, how are you" and it's because it honestly feels weird to me and doesn't come across my mind to do those sort of things.
My cousin who recently had a birthday, I was told to sign her birthday card and I just signed my name. She came over for the weekend and asked me why I didn't write something like, "Happy birthday, love -Thomas" or w/e... but again honestly it never crossed my mind.

Try not to be "hurt" or depressed because someone who you really care about or love doesn't show that same amount of care and love for you. People have different levels and capabilities of emotions of which they can display or feel.
That being said I do I guess "love" my family but I do not feel anything, I would miss them probably but I don't think I would cry over the fact that they're gone or dead. This could just be my "no feelings #heartless" or it could be that somewhere down the line of my life I was hurt too many times and I grew numb when it came to feelings to protect myself. In other words, I adapted to my own personal situation.

Just try to be accepting of different people and how they interact with you and take into consideration that they could have gone through a lot of shit that you couldn't even think of. Lower your expectations too.

another topic to think about - maybe you're not as nice as you think
not trying to be a dick but self awareness helps a lot in relationships with others, playing the victim doesn't.