Welcome, I bid you good wealth! If you have found this message, then you are among the most loyal members to our cause!

Perhaps it is time, now that you have been accepted into our ranks, fellow conservative, to finally remove the thin veil that surrounds our source of Logic. For having come this far, a feat which few manage, you will hear the source for all of the astoundingly logical arguments that we bring up, with a few examples to show how simple it is to logically derive our ideas. We base ourselves on the holy god of Logical Fallacies, and we get away with it - because our fallacies always come to popular conclusions.

But what are Logical Fallacies? Let me demonstrate the all mighty double standard on a simple example, along with the very emotional implying of brotherhood;

"Good day sir!" - unenlightened dummkopf
"It is" - me
"So, what do you have to say about the recent senate vote on immigration policies?
"Well hot damn, I say when those foreigners start coming to our country and using our infrastructure and our land , then they better learn to speak the country's language, because are lazy asses sure aren't prepared to adapt to new situations such as immigrants"
"Sir, can you speak Navajo?"
"No, what is that anyways?"

As you can see, I have managed to get the support of the people on MY SIDE rather than on the side of those god damn liberal hippies by using our so very often, and waiving hypocrisy away with a mere hand gesture.

So you ask yourself, but that is too concrete of an example, you require more, yes? Then understand my justifications for anti-gay marriage;

"God, or Evolution, if you're a liberal hippie, dictates that males put their... thing.. into a women's... thing... and not a male's thing into a male's thing. Thus gay marriage should be forbidden! This is of course this way, because sex's only true meaning is reproduction and all of its derived meanings come from this one stem principle. Thus a gay marriage is an abomination."

More? Perhaps a justification for Iraq and torture?

" Do you remember 9/11? How each of us wept a tear, how each and every single one of us felt when we gazed upon our smoldering ashes of two huge pillars which used to extend high into the sky, two proverbial Towers of Babel? Do you remember, how the most educated of us felt confused, wondering why they had not simply crashed the plane into the world central banking system in Belgium?

This is what we're fighting out there, to stop this sort of thing from ever happening again. Because Israel has shown exactly how foreign policy should be done with anyone that so as much gives us a dirty look - we roll in the tanks, never mind that the current generation will come to hate us for it and start a terrorist attack because of it.

Reagan has shown us all means are required when facing huge opposition - he demonstrated this fact by trafficking drugs (while advocating the war on drugs, no less), getting a large amount of income due to selling weapons to two sides of a war, and last but not least, the training of middle eastern terrorists against the evil communist regime.

Is any of this ironic? Heck no, that was like, 30 years ago, no one gives a shit about what happened 30 years ago. It's not as if we're paying off the debt Reagan made 30 years ago.

Would you prefer one foreign person to be in discomfort or for 500 of us to be dead? 9/11 happened, and it might happen AGAIN. Beware the Islamic extremists - they're master tacticians, probably due to no small part in USA training."

Public health insurance option?! No way!

"Do you know what those hippie liberal democrats said 150 years ago? They said;

"OY I'VE GOT A RIGHT TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE WORK MY FIELDS FOR NO PAY"

and I am sure you know what they say now, right?

"OY I'VE GOT A RIGHT TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE PAY FOR MY HEALTH INSURANCE"

need I say more? Those hippie liberals propose that we cut the defense budget - which is higher than the sum of the next five countries together - but I say they're internal terrorists that want to open up a route for those Muslim extremists to do another 9/11 on us.
"

Now you know our secrets, guard them well.