Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.