Everyone knows the Rules of the Internet. (If not, atleast everyone in Toribash understands Rule 34.) So I figured; heck, why don't we make a list of laws that apply to the nature and mechanism of Toribash?

Disclaimer: This thread is a joke (no it isn't (yes it is (nooo))). Anyone who takes this seriously will suffer extreme pain and humiliation, shortly followed by death.

Disclamer to the disclaimer: Anyone who takes the disclaimer seriously is an idiot.

Ok then, let's begin shall we?


Rule -1: Chac must die for his post edits.

Rule 0: Anyone's presence in these rules does not automatically increase their awesomeness. It is, however, likely to humiliate them.
Rule 0x: You suggest rules about yourself on your own risk.


Rule 1: veb rules the universe as we know it.
Rule 1a: In the state of alcoholism, veb still runs the universe.
Rule 1b: In the case of not being right, veb is still right.
Rule 1c I: Banning veb means banning yourself.
Rule 1c II: Banning veb while he is in the state of alcoholism means banning yourself, and exposing the universe to a male anus.
Rule 1d: Everytime veb appears, it's awesome.
Rule 1e: veb can win a debate by writing "cocks".
Rule 1f: veb always has the last say in a debate. Anything stated after this is the beginning of a new debate.
Rule 1g: veb is pronounced "My-God"
Rule 1h: Pleading veb not to punish you will improve your odds by -6.
Rule 1i: If veb orders a Big-Mac at KFC, he'll get it.
Rule 1j: Compared to veb, Chuck Norris is nothing but a distorded sexual wart stuck on some broad's fanny...which is being fucked...by veb.


Rule 2: Playing Toribash does not make you cool.
Rule 2a: People that play a lot of Toribash have no lives. People that hang around in the #toribash channel all day long, talking about everything but Toribash are super awesome.
Rule 2b: Inactive people are better than active people.
Rule 2c: You're not a legend if you actually play the game.


Rule 3: It's only appropriate to start spamming when you have a massive E-Penor and more than 100 000 posts.


Rule 4: Everyone using simple moves ingame are either, 1: faggots, or 2: noobs.
Rule 4a: The only exception is when old and cool players use them to be the exception that confirms the rule.


Rule 5: There are no girls in Toribash.
Rule 5a: One that claims to be a girl is either, 1: a faggot, 2: an attention whore, or 3: a furry.
Rule 5b: A "girl" in Toribash will get 10 times more attention than other people, even if everybody knows it's a dude.
Rule 5c: Foxie is a girl. That means he's either, 1: a faggot, 2: an attention whore, or 3: a furry. (Judging by the name, the latter is more likely.)
Rule 5d: Making your tori pink and flowery makes young players recoil in horror at the thought that they could actually be conversing with a real life homosexual over the internet.


Rule 6: All toribashians have a piece of furrie-ism in them.
Rule 6a: EXCEPTION; if not a furry, they're into either, 1: tentacles, 2: lolis, or 3: both.
Rule 6b: Furries in Toribash are all, without exceptions, sex maniacs.
Rule 6c: Even if furries have vaginas they're still not girls.


Rule 7: Nobody in Toribash has girlfriends.
Rule 7a: If they claim to have a girlfriend, then their right/left hand is feminine.
Rule 7b: Some may claim to be married. This is true to the degree that one can be married to an inflatable doll.


Rule 8: Russian toribashians never use consonants when talking. Example: ііaіфoііaіeіeіaффыoіeaіяяяфяыќя


Rule 9: In Toribash, everything can be bought with money. Even body parts of the administrators.


Rule 10: Buying QI will make people hate you.


Rule 10,5: Buying TC will cause no controversy, and make hampa love you.


Rule 11: Ingame administrators. are in fact allowed to bitchslap anyone for one of the following reasons; 1: The person was being faggy and retarded, 2: The person was being immature and bragging, or 3: Because they felt like it.


Rule 12:Oldfags are auto-awesome.
Rule 12a: Oldschoolers ARE NOT synonymous to oldfags.
Rule 12b: Being an oldfag means you're rightfully elitist, being an oldschooler means you have the right to get yelled at by oldfags for being elitist.
Rule 12c: To be an oldfag, you must have played this game since version 0.7.
Rule 12d: Oldfags always have the upper-hand in arguments.
Rule 12e: Failure to adjust to Rule 12d will result in massive failure.
Rule 12f: When oldfgts/oldschoolers come on multiplayer, they will do one of the following: A, own everyone in the server; B, spec and complain about how noobish people are; or C, do a move they made originally and get yelled at for stealing bobSteve25925shadowultramegaclichename#456's move that he made yesterday.
Rule 12gI: Oldfgts/oldschoolers will never claim to have invented a move; they will only say they have been using it a long time.
Rule 12gII Any oldfgt/oldschooler claiming to have an invented a move is a liar, and not an oldschooler. The exception to this rule are the people who made extraordinarily complex multi-turn moves that look cool but are of no use at all unless the opponent is facing a certain direction with his ass pointed upwards and it's a certain season and he's trying to roll a joint with his feet while complaining about Republican politics.



Rule 13: You always need more Juntalis.
Rule 13Q: WE NEED LESS CHRIS!!!
Rule 13x: Dalir needs attention.
Rule 13z-I: Jared is a fucking retard.
Rule 13z-II: Anything he thinks is funny really isn't.
Rule 13z-III: Wibbles is his home.
Rule 13z-IV: Try to be an asshole by calling him a Nazi whenever possible.


Rule 14: Nobody are welcome to #toribash unless it's their 37th visit.
Rule 14a: Newfags on IRC will be verbally raped, mauled with their own limbs and then burned alive, if they think they are cool for being good at Toribash.


Rule 15: Capslock is cruise control to e-cool.
Rule 15a: ...but not if you're actually serious when using it.
Rule 15b: ...but not if you have the same level of grammar as a bar of soap.
Rule 15c: ...but not if you suck by default.


Rule 16: If you're leaving Toribash, shut up.


Rule 17: There's always someone more awesome than you..


Rule 18: Fad posts are only cool on the first post. All preceding posts are fags riding the coattails of the original post.
Rule 18a: veb is, ofcourse, the exception to this rule.


Rule 19: The debate forum is only for extremists who make stereotypes out of themselves. Phrases like, "Well, I agree and disagree," are never accepted, no matter how much factual and logical backing you present. Phrases like, "You should be able to acquire an abortion until the sixth month of infancy," however, is always accepted as a logical debate.


Rule 20: If someone says they gotta go because of "their life", they're lying.
Rule 20a: If someone says "I'm busy", they're probably spanking their monkey. (Shaving their log, pumping their shotgun, you get the picture)
Rule 20b: If someone says "I'm gonna go take a dump.", they're probably taking a dump.
Rule 20c: If someone says "I'm gonna go eat.", they're gonna go eat.
Rule 20d: If someone says they're gonna go to some party, they are drinking alone by the computer.


Rule 21: Worshipping hampa or veb does not make you awesome in any way. (Note that this does not mean one is not allowed to, it is merely meant for people that come into IRC thinking they'll be insta-cool by saying 'hampa roxorz')


Rule ∞: The ninjas are always watching.
Rule ∞a: The ninjas always carry a spare banhammer.
Rule ∞b: Look behind you.
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There. Feel free to launch suggestions to add to the list ;)