how often can you say a joke??

The best of the day!

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein, US Ambassador to Spain Eduardo Aguirre, and television's Tony Danza were on a jungle vacation together when they were caught by a tribal group.
Before they were about to be executed, they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for mercy. She said, ''Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.'' The three men looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food

Malcolm Goldstein was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. The Queen tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of the grapes up Malcolm Goldstein's ass. The servants did their duty, and left Malcolm Goldstein lying on theground screaming.

Eduardo Aguirre was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Malcolm Goldstein was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Eduardo Aguirre had several apples in his ass and he was laughing. He asked him ''What the hell are you laughing about?''

A laughing Eduardo Aguirre replied ''Tony Danza's coming back with a watermelon.''

That's gonna be painful.

The winner of this day:

NinjaAiPoM

Thank you for the laughs, NinjaAiPoM!
The 2 000 TC should be sent now.

http://waxy.org/2008/05/garry_kaspar..._flying_penis/

Do I win?

Look at the video, bottom right. xD

Michael Jackson is my dad!
He touches me in evrey dance

Didn't Bananana post almost the exact same joke as Aipom a bit before him?

k i dunno if i should post this one but w/e

there 2 nerd and 1 noob and a god

god: u see this ping pong ball? go get it or u go in hell
he trows it really far in a wood
nerd1: ok
he comes back he says he did not find it, he get killed
god: u see this ping pong ball? go get it or u go in hell
nerd2: ok
he comes back he says he did not find it, he get killed
god: u see this ping pong ball? go get it or u go in hell
noob: ok
the noob get back scratched and bleeding
god: what the hell this is not a ping pong ball!
noob:WHAT?!? A PING PONG BALL! I TOUGH U SAID A KING KONG BALL!

so thats it, sorry for my bad english i converted it french to english :S

I'm going to post a few more jokes...

The trucker and the priest
one day this trucker is driving on a route from new york to toronto and usually when he is driving he likes to swerve and hit laywers who happen to be hitch hiking.
so one day he sees a preist hitch hiking, being the religious man that he is, decides to pick him up.
after about two hours he forgets that the priest is even there and proceeds to hit a laywer he sees. As he is just about to hit him he realises who is beside him and straightens himself back on the road.
much to his dismay he still hears a thump so he turns to the priest and says
"Please forgive me father."
The preist turns to him and replies,
"It is alright, I got him with my door.

The Sausage

Two men walk into a bar and sit down.
suddenly, one of them starts ordering insanely many drinks and the other whispered to him: 'what the fuck are you doing?' 'trust me' the other man replies and hands him a sausage and whispers his plan.
Suddenly the man no.2 gets down on his knees, places the sausage -you know where- on the man and starts sucking on it(it's just one of those normal sausages you can buy at a butchers place).
The bartender is disgusted and throws them out, them having earned free drinks they keep doing this and around 15 bars later man no.2 says: 'Well then, lets quit this now alright? My knees and mouth are sore'. The other man replies:
'Well, how do you think I feel!? I lost the sausage 7 bars ago!'

An Irish Tale

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top O' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and four singles, ten in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer lovin' hoosband doin'?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."

The Nun and the Fig Leaf

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on the statue, the lights go out.”

Yea... ok..
That was WAAAY to long for me to read..
Infact. Look at my sig.
I can has joke vv

It's many jokes!

Doc....idk if that counts as a joke or not, but it was funny as hell.