sounds pretty good so far... i like the casual speech writing style, it contrasts well with the middle-ages feel of the characters and ties them to modern times, but you should improve your phrasing a bit before writing the final product (ill bring up some examples later). for now, here's the other character idea i promised.

Name: Ravenger
Age: 117
Location: hell
Backstory: he was once a happy, middle-class business man who was perfectly content with his uneventful, married life. however, a week after the birth of his first child, his wife revealed that the child was not really his, but that she had found someone else she wished to spend her life with and they were leaving together. in a fit of confused rage, he killed her and subsequently went insane. he lost all interest in anything other than what he called "the fine art of making someone squirm at your feet", brutally torturing, and finally killing hapless victims in creative ways. after his murdrous rampage was finally ended and he was tried and hanged, he continued his occupation in hell, working his way up to be chief of tourture on the 5th level. he has always envied kayne and plots behind his back to kill him one day and thus take his position. one day he is sent on a mission "up top" to track down a certain young woman and ensure that she ends up in hell (they can not influence humans directly, but strong willed demns can influence thoughts and provide temptations). He locates the grl only to realize that she is the great-grand-daughter of his late wife (the kind of cruel joke that the "higher ups" in hell enjoy most ). seeing her, he finally snaps out of the insanity that has possessed him for so long and thinks that the one thing he might do to payback his wife for all the strife he caused is to ensure that the grl ends up in heaven instead. he remains with her, trying to influence all her actions for good instead, but when his boss hears about what he's up to, he sends out minions to capture and bring him back and then take care of the job he was sent to do. Ravenger must find out why this particular grl is so important to them if he is ever going to save her, but time is running out...
Personality: think american psycho, slips with ease between normal, every day topics and murdr
Gender: male
Appearance: he still wears the old business suit he had on the day he came home and killed his wife. tall, dark, and (if not for the bloodstains and fiery eyes) handsome as well.
Weapon: he uses a myriad of... interesting weapons. knives, flails, crews, you name it
Extra stuff: maybe switch back and forth between his point of view and the grl's. he can see her, but she cant see him so it might add some interesting suspense and the like

Its good, but there's a few things wrong with it. For one thing, people in hell can't die. Or else they'd be killing themselves just to escape hell's torture.
Also, its not possible for demons to do any more than "tempt" humans to do sins. There's no way to "ensure" somebody's going to hell. I'll have to edit a few things with that.
Oh and another thing, this stories being written in third person.

Edit: Guys, you need to make human characters too. D:
Edit2: Gah, I just lost all of my story on Red's character. I have to start it all over again. D:

i was writing a book but in my language...

yes, i know, but you can still do different points of view in 3rd person(e.g. first talk about what the grl and the people with/around her see/do and then what the other guy does)

Well the guy can't speak audibly around the girl. She wouldn't be hearing anything besides thoughts in her head.

Edit: Hey guys, I just found some awesome inspiration for my writing. Its actually centered around almost the same thing, so it will help me a lot. =D
http://www.pholph.com/index_a.php?Strip=1

Bump(but an awesome one :3)
Since I accidently deleted Red's story,I started a different one for now. His will be right after. Here's a preview on it:

Cindy woke up by the soft kisses of her husband. It was 6:30 AM.
“Morning, honey.” He said quietly, his voice filled with affection.
“Mmm,” She turned around, squinting her eyes against the sunlight that was peeking around the corner of her window. “Morning, love.”
And she got up.
As she was getting dressed, she turned back to the bed. Her husband was staring at her, his face was half in a trance. She frowned. “Is something wrong?”
After a pause, “You are, so beautiful…” Was his answer. Cindy smiled and turned away, hiding a blush. Her husband smiled and got up himself.
“What’s on schedule today?” She asked.
“Ah, nothing. CSI’s investigating some rape scene. Horrible stuff.” He stopped walking towards the kitchen. “If that ever happened to you… I don’t know, I’d do everything I could to serve justice to that guy.”
“Honey.”
“I mean, to have somebody do that to you, that would tear me apart.”
“Honey?”
“If only the world wasn’t such a bad place. There’d be less of the-”
He got cut off as Cindy kissed him on the lips.
“Oh… Thanks.” He said, and smiled to himself.
Cindy’s husband was a police officer who worked closely with the CSI. Officer Barlow, or Ried Barlow. Despite the normal status where policemen were either alone or divorced, he and Cindy were inseparable. Even if Ried came home, ashamed that he killed a man, even when he thought that Cindy shouldn’t put up with the times that he’d have nightmares in bed about the people he’s killed, people he’d sent to jail, coming up to torture him. No matter what problems they had, nothing could kill the undying love they had for each other.
The couple was silent as they cooked pancakes for breakfast. If you counted out the ‘I love you’s or the kisses. But after a while, they both headed out the door, off to work.
Cindy worked at an office building for insurance company. There was a small problem with the owners of it though. They did everything in their power to keep as much of their client’s money as they could, while giving out as little as possible. Their methods usually ended up making lots of people mad, but even so, they had nowhere else to turn, most of the time. Needless to say, the company had a fair share of enemies.
Cindy didn’t like it, but it paid good.
Another thing about Cindy was that she had grown up in a poor family, her parents not being able to afford anything besides groceries, and enough of the bills to barely stay above the eviction status. After an entire childhood of being very conscious of everything she wanted or asked for in fear of causing the final eviction note, Cindy made a vow to herself to do everything she could to get a job that would pay lots of money, so she could get her kids what she wanted, and so they could be happy while they grew up. It was an ambition that paid off.

looks real good man!

Good luck with the rest! =)