Secret Santa 2024
Originally Posted by carl View Post
tell her you're a black belt in an obscure martial art

As someone who is a black belt in an obscure martial arts.
It works.


Just flex your huge calfs at her and do some back flip kicks.
Works good.
piss
Originally Posted by Boonana View Post
As someone who is a black belt in an obscure martial arts.
It works.


Just flex your huge calfs at her and do some back flip kicks.
Works good.

I can't tell if you're also trying to insult me :|
this is my go to pickup line

In 7th grade, I took an SAT test without preparing for it at all, it was spur-of-the-moment, I knew about it about an hour ahead of time and didn't do any research or anything. I scored higher on it than the average person using it to apply for college in my area.

An IQ test has shown me to be in the 99.9th percentile for IQ. This is the highest result the test I was given reaches; anything further and they'd consider it to be within the margin of error for that test.

My mother's boyfriend of 8 years is an aerospace engineer who graduated Virginia Tech. At the age of 15, I understand physics better than him, and I owe very little of it to him, as he would rarely give me a decent explanation of anything, just tell me that my ideas were wrong and become aggravated with me for not quite understanding thermodynamics. He's not particularly successful as an engineer, but I've met lots of other engineers who aren't as good as me at physics, so I'm guessing that's not just a result of him being bad at it.

I'm also pretty good at engineering. I don't have a degree, and other than physics I don't have a better understanding of any aspect of engineering than any actual engineer, but I have lots of ingenuity for inventing new things. For example, I independently invented regenerative brakes before finding out what they were, and I was only seven or eight years old when I started inventing wireless electricity solutions (my first idea being to use a powerful infrared laser to transmit energy; admittedly not the best plan).

I have independently thought of basically every branch of philosophy I've come across. Every question of existentialism which I've seen discussed in SMBC or xkcd or Reddit or anywhere else, the thoughts haven't been new to me. Philosophy has pretty much gotten trivial for me; I've considered taking a philosophy course just to see how easy it is.

Psychology, I actually understand better than people with degrees. Unlike engineering, there's no aspect of psychology which I don't have a very good understanding of. I can debunk many of even Sigmund Freud's theories.

I'm a good enough writer that I'm writing a book and so far everybody who's read any of it has said it was really good and plausible to expect to have published. And that's not just, like, me and family members, that counts strangers on the Internet. I've heard zero negative appraisal of it so far; people have critiqued it, but not insulted it. I don't know if that will suffice as evidence that I'm intelligent. I'm done with it, though, because I'd rather defend my maturity, since it's what you've spent the most time attacking. The following are some examples of my morals and ethical code.

I believe firmly that everybody deserves a future. If we were to capture Hitler at the end of WWII, I would be against executing him. In fact, if we had any way of rehabilitating him and knowing that he wasn't just faking it, I'd even support the concept of letting him go free. This is essentially because I think that whoever you are in the present is a separate entity from who you were in the past and who you are in the future, and while your present self should take responsibility for your past self's actions, it shouldn't be punished for them simply for the sake of punishment, especially if the present self regrets the actions of the past self and feels genuine guilt about them.

I don't believe in judgement of people based on their personal choices as long as those personal choices aren't harming others. I don't have any issue with any type of sexuality whatsoever (short of physically acting out necrophilia, pedophilia, or other acts which have a harmful affect on others - but I don't care what a person's fantasies consist of, as long as they recognize the difference between reality and fiction and can separate them). I don't have any issue with anybody over what type of music they listen to, or clothes they wear, etc. I know that's not really an impressive moral, but it's unfortunately rare; a great many people, especially those my age, are judgmental about these things.

I love everyone, even people I hate. I wish my worst enemies good fortune and happiness. Rick Perry is a vile, piece of shit human being, deserving of zero respect, but I wish for him to change for the better and live the best life possible. I wish this for everyone.

I'm pretty much a pacifist. I've taken a broken nose without fighting back or seeking retribution, because the guy stopped punching after that. The only time I'll fight back is if 1) the person attacking me shows no signs of stopping and 2) if I don't attack, I'll come out worse than the other person will if I do. In other words, if fighting someone is going to end up being more harmful to them than just letting them go will be to me, I don't fight back. I've therefore never had a reason to fight back against anyone in anything serious, because my ability to take pain has so far made it so that I'm never in a situation where I'll be worse off after a fight. If I'm not going to get any hospitalizing injuries, I really don't care.

The only exception is if someone is going after my life. Even then, I'll do the minimum amount of harm to them that I possibly can in protecting myself. If someone points a gun at me and I can get out of it without harming them, I'd prefer to do that over killing them. I consider myself a feminist. I don't believe in enforced or uniform gender roles; they may happen naturally, but they should never be coerced into happening unnaturally. As in, the societal pressure for gender roles should really go, even if it'll turn out that the majority of relationships continue operating the same way of their own accord. I treat women with the same outlook I treat men, and never participate in the old Reddit "women are crazy" circlejerk, because there are multiple women out there and each have different personalities just like there are multiple men out there and each with different personalities. I don't think you do much of anything except scare off the awesome women out there by going on and on about the ones who aren't awesome.

That doesn't mean I look for places to victimize women, I just don't believe it's fair to make generalizations such as the one about women acting like everything's OK when it's really not (and that's a particularly harsh example, because all humans do that).
the god
Talk like youre talking to a friend, just add a few gestures that flatters her and always take interest in what she thinks. Girls like boys who compliment them.
Girls also like funny men, try to make a few jokes but don't ever make a knock knock joke. Ever.
Try to make jokes that expresses your maturity.
I ain't readin' that long-ass copypasta.

Just skimmed it, it's more of an emotional monologue than anything else.
-----
Originally Posted by chamara View Post
Talk like youre talking to a friend, just add a few gestures that flatters her and always take interest in what she thinks. Girls like boys who compliment them.
Girls also like funny men, try to make a few jokes but don't ever make a knock knock joke. Ever.
Try to make jokes that expresses your maturity.

You just sumarized my #2 way of getting tang.

You should probably elaborate, though, people might not have it click in their brains.
Last edited by NormalCitizen; Nov 6, 2012 at 06:01 PM. Reason: <24 hour edit/bump
Originally Posted by chamara View Post
Try to make jokes that expresses your maturity.

Do such jokes even exist? :U

ey yo gurl

get this

last night right? i made some fuggin COFFEE

and then i drank it and then i was like

EW FUCK

THIS IS HUGELY DISTASTEFUL

i must never make so bad coffee again
<Blam|Homework> oiubt veubg
various places to find me lol
Originally Posted by shook View Post
Do such jokes even exist? :U

ey yo gurl

get this

last night right? i made some fuggin COFFEE

and then i drank it and then i was like

EW FUCK

THIS IS HUGELY DISTASTEFUL

i must never make so bad coffee again


A cleverly thought out insult or observation that doesn't involve poopie, farts, butthole, or faggots is regarded as a "mature" joke.
Good sir that is an exceptionally narrow definition of immature jokes. In particular, you forgot balls, dicks, cocks, penises, wangs, wieners, dongs and mothers. Also tits, but i didn't want to include that in the same sentence as mothers.

wait fuck

Oh well. Long story short: converse with them like humans and be yourself. You'll quickly find out how well you click with... Well, anyone. Also you probably shouldn't punch them as the first thing, just sayin'.
<Blam|Homework> oiubt veubg
various places to find me lol
Originally Posted by chamara View Post
Talk like youre talking to a friend, just add a few gestures that flatters her and always take interest in what she thinks. Girls like boys who compliment them.
Girls also like funny men, try to make a few jokes but don't ever make a knock knock joke. Ever.
Try to make jokes that expresses your maturity.

Originally Posted by shook View Post
Do such jokes even exist? :U

ey yo gurl

get this

last night right? i made some fuggin COFFEE

and then i drank it and then i was like

EW FUCK

THIS IS HUGELY DISTASTEFUL

i must never make so bad coffee again

Originally Posted by shook View Post
Good sir that is an exceptionally narrow definition of immature jokes. In particular, you forgot balls, dicks, cocks, penises, wangs, wieners, dongs and mothers. Also tits, but i didn't want to include that in the same sentence as mothers.

<ego>holy fuck a bat is in my room
- ego quit (Ping timeout)