your story is 3rd person then, mine is 1st person. I also keep the character empty and give him no detail to make the reader feel more connected or even as if they are the character. its my style of writing.

Thoughts of a mad man, should be the name or something like Deep into an insane mind.

Also don't forget the 4 basic principles of a story Plot, Characterization, Dialogues, Theme. You got the characterization down and theme it all needs to go some where, though it all seems to be leading up to something.

ok... dude, bro. stop talking down to me, and underestimating my skill, you;ve done this on the art thread too. trying to guide me or help me, which to me seems a bit controlling to me. look I can forgive and forget and can speak up for myself as I am now, I'm happy that your giving me "C&C" but I'm not the kind of person who can take it in large doses.

I don't see how I am looking down on you... All I was giving is helpful reminders. Mater a fact I like your story. If me trying to be helpful hurts your feelings, im sorry, I am blunt and straight to the point if some one cant share there thoughts about what is being posted... I just don't know. Sorry if my honesty offends you.

ok I'll take what I can get, even if you did try to twist it a little.

you both are good artists to me.

yes but I do't go round telling others what to do or what they've done wrong.

I agree, I just wish I could have seen more of flux's art. I like his story's, they are good. I know this one is a working process but so far what he has done with this one is good. =)

ok... the innocent act, it amuses me.

this avatar i got on he made. also, he has same art work in that thread you made.