Boerhae, I'm gonna say this and I'm not sensoring it at all because it means a lot. I am in the same fucking boat as you, and just because I'm a few years old than you doesnt mean I don't understand you. I was there then, and even with medication, therapy, and family support, I'm still not there. It isn't something that just disappears. You just have to come to terms with it. This is who you and I are.
For years before this one I would sit at home alone ignoring everything contemplating how I could even live with myself. I can't even count how many times I've held a knife to my throat. I FUCKING KNOW it's hard, but if I can do it, so can you.
All of us care about you and want you to stay. We may not be nearby or your age, but hey, we're here. We want to help you. I WANT TO HELP YOU. You have no reason to sit around and suffer like I have and still partly do. Tell somebody, get help and get this under control before it gets so out of hand that you can't feel happy anymore. Trust me, it's so worth it.
If you don't want to believe me, fine. I can send you every single death note I ever wrote until you get it through your head that I suffered just as much as you are now. PM me if you want to talk about this, I feel like you might want to talk to someone like you.
Please just stick around for your old pals.
Meow. :3