^ You guys suck at poems.......
I'm so much better!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
GET IN, THE VAN.
oh 1 vid LD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X21mJh6j9i4
Edit forgot one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ5iV...eature=related
A 70-year-old widow decides that she needed to be remarried. So she puts an ad in the paper saying:
Attachment 339640
The next day, the doorbell rang. Expecting it to be a husband, the widow jumps up and opens the door. There was a man in a wheelchair with no arms or legs.
"You don't really expect me to marry you, do you?" asks the widow.
"Of cource I do." he replies.
"But you have no arms." states the widow.
"Therefor, I can't hit or beat you." says the man.
"But you have no legs." states the widow.
"Therefor, I can't walk out on you." says the man.
"Are you still good in bed?" asks the widow.
The man cocked an eyebrow and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, offering his credit card numbers, his driver's license number and his address but to no avail.
The cabbie said, "If you don't have $15, get the hell out of my cab." So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab back to the airport.
Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?!! Get the hell out of my cab!"
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." The businessman said "OK" and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.
About 4 hours now.
I read this when I was a few years younger and thought it was funny so here goes.
A boy hears his parents arguing.
He hears "Bitch" and "Bastard"
He is curious to know what they mean so he asks.
"What are bitches and bastards?"
"Ladies and Gentlemen" his parents reply.
Later in the day, he goes to his parents bedroom and hear whispering about "Bras and Panties"
He opens the door and asks "What are bras and panties?"
The parents were shocked and replied "Coats and Jackets"
Later, he goes upstairs and sees his Dad shaving.
"Shit!" He screams when he cuts himself.
"What does shit mean?"
"Shaving cream."
He then goes downstairs and sees his Mum cooking turkey in the oven.
"Fucking hell!" She screams after burning her hand.
"What does Fucking mean?"
"Putting"
Right then, guest arrive at the doorbell.
The boy opens the door and says
"Good evening Bitches and Bastards, hang your bras and panties here.
My Dad is upstairs putting shit on his face and my Mum is in the kitchen fucking the turkey in the oven."