Conscious - Having an awareness of one's environment and one's own existence, sensations, and thoughts.
Sense death seems to have your somewhat "conscious" effort that your saying
then implies that your saying I am more reckless and unaware of my improvement? Maybe your just simply saying that you do not see my improvement in public... hmm please be more narrow and descriptive of the feedback that you give, broad, and varied feedback could lead to a very unwanted result if it is not meticulously thought over.