"So I was polishing my penis the other day, a good ole spit shine, old girl needs it once in a while, and I noticed, my penis is black. So then my dad walks in and a misunderstanding ensues since I was in my sisters room over as she slept, the argument escalated and I noticed that too there was too much, "I was calmly polishing my phallus dad, jeeez" and he mistook my polishing for masturbation, I WAS COMMITTING A SELFLESS ACT AND POLISHING MY PROUD SHIM-LAM-DOOBLY AND HE MISTAKES MY ACTIONS OF HONER FOR SUCH DEBAUCHERY, so I proposed a penis battle, so me and my dad both put our pants behind our legs and we started slapping meat sticks. It was a rough fight since my dad was the national penis fencing champion, but I was determined to clear my name, he got me with his old nutsack attack, and slapped his testicles in my face, I countered with a ha-dou-kum attack, he fell and regained himself and headed for the armory for which he can shield his weinerdog, he ran in and I pursued. I opened the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur."

Hahaha how your dad catching you polishing your one eyed wonder escalated into a majestic sword fight is beyond me xD and who was victorious in this great battle of the pork swords, who came out on top?

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I don't care that this is a week after MLK day. I just love this quote.

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
-Tod Adkins on rape.
Asshole.

"In civilized life, law floats on a sea of ethics." -Earl Warren
"A man without ethics is a beast loosed upon this world." -Albert Camus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg

Always a classic.