:P sorry murray, thought you guys might have lost interest.
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8
After that first scab I hung low for a while, lots of ideas came to me in this time, ways of doing things that would be wholly unnoticed until either A: someone got sick or B: I decided to come clean.
The whole hope was to sicken the general public to the point that they didn’t want to eat this shit that was just killing them anyways. I was just going to nudge people in the right direction.
First I started saving my scabs. Being the cutter I was I got them all the time, and when I picked one a new one would grow in the very same spot. This can be done multiple times to the same wound and it prolongs healing and scar tissue from forming. My first batch took me about 2 weeks to harvest and I had quite a few. The ones that came from forearms had tiny hairs in them that I had to carefully remove as I went. I cut each scab into tiny little slivers and put them all in a plastic baggy witch I would carry in my pocket at work.
The first batch lasted about month. After a while they grew sort of brittle so before I put them on the meat I had to toss them into a little pool of hot grease somewhere on the grill to loosen them up. I was very spars and I rationed as best as I could but trust me, when you have a pocket full of scabs and a grill full of burgers that only remind you of how disappointed you are in your species, it’s hard to ration. I can’t say I condone hurting people but I can say it was damn fun fuckin up their food. Usually I put down about 3 scabs a week, but by the time I took the final scab from the bag and put it on a burger I had much bigger dreams.
I had used dried blood; why not use regular, liquid blood. At the place I was working, (the place with a golden sign) the ketchup that comes on your sandwiches is put their buy a sort of gun, it looks like a funnel with a handle on the side and when you squeeze the handle ketchup shoots through the five tiny holes at the bottom and onto your burger (witch may or may not have had a scab on it). The ketchup is put into the gun from a big plastic pouch of the shit, so between pouch and gun all sorts of things can happen.
All I had to do was save just a little bit of blood from my scab harvesting and general cutting. You might not enjoy it like I did, but if you take a minute out of life to try it’s not that difficult to bleed a full baby food jar’s worth of blood. The problem came with portability, stick a baby food jar in your pocket and you’ll see that it’s not exactly hidden.
The solution I came up with first was to go to the local free health clinic and say that I was a diabetic but couldn’t afford needles, but I realized that they would probably test me to make sure I really was diabetic and not just some junky, so I had to think of something else. Then one night I went to Main Street in downtown Archdale and after meeting a few new people I was able to get one for ten bucks, the price seemed sort of high but I needed it. It was a small needle and only held about 4 units of blood, witch was good because I didn’t want too much. I sterilized the thing as best as I could by dipping the tip in boiling water, than in rubbing alcohol, than back in boiling water, I wasn’t gonna stick myself with it but I also didn’t want to give people std’s , they were already eating my blood and that’s enough after all. So once I had the needle I was set and every time I refilled the ketchup I added one unit of blood and mixed it up real good. Next came the onions.
As you may have guessed by their shitty flavor, the onions that come on the burgers at this place aren’t cut fresh daily. Actually they are dehydrated at first and only become those tiny flavorless things no one likes after they have soaked in an unclean tub full of lukewarm water for about 2 hours. Before they are soaked the onions sort of look like uncooked white rice, they are tiny white ovals that are dusty and crunchy, they have a similar color to toenails. Now with this I had to be a bit more creative. The scabs burned beyond recognition on the grill, the blood dissipated past taste and texture in the ketchup, but my toenails weren’t going to soften up or absorb the onion taste after soaking for a few hours, they would remain toenails.
First I let my toenails grow really long, then when I cut them and had the quarter moon shaped pieces, I cut those sort of like I did the scabs, into tiny slivers, then I cut the slivers along the layers of nail. It was very tedious but one clipping gave me all the toenails I ever used. Every time I made onions I would place a pinch of toenails in and mix it up.
So let’s say you were just one of those really unlucky people and you came though the drive thru. You may have gotten and burger with a scab cooked into it, blood in your ketchup, and that one onion that didn’t re-hydrate may have actually been a toenail.
The people who designed the mayonnaise packaging at this place are blindly genius. The mayonnaise comes in tubes much like caulking that is used in construction and it shot from a very similar type of gun.
Next came the shake mix. It hit me pretty quickly what I was gonna do next. I have to say that changing the shake mix became my new favorite job. Anytime Jason would ask someone else to do it I would quickly say “oh hey don’t worry, I got it. Just let me go use the restroom real quick”. Than I would go to the restroom, peal off my white latex gloves, get a handful of liquid soap and go to work. If you have ever beaten off at work than you know that aside from the little extra rush of doing something so depraved it’s really not all that satisfying. You sit their and work your tool and forget whether or not you locked the door, but you always do. People knock, just hearing other people going cluelessly about their normal day while you dephile yourself like some sort of zoo monkey, it all gets sort of awkward. Add to that the fact that you have a time limit and an agenda and the climax is only sort of good.
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