Prologue
Crunch. The man stepped on a chunk of ice. Crunch. He was garbed in red cloth, marking him as a warlord. The man was tall and well built. A sword hung from his belt, sheathed in obsidian. He wore a circlet of gold -- another feature unique to his position. He kicked aside a body, the spear still embedded in the peasant’s neck. The eyes wide in horror as they took in the carnage of what used to be his village. The next man’s throat was slit. He could have been sleeping, if not for the glistening red smile that dripped red tears down his chest.
The warlord walked on. A serene lake was at the edge of the village, the shore only a few yards from the warlord’s descending footsteps. The sunlight shimmered over the frozen water. Suddenly, the ice shattered. A great, sparkling, horned head emerged from the surface of the lake. It was white, with razor sharp teeth. The horns curved once and then ended in deadly points. The nostrils were filled with blue flames. The head was connected to a thick, muscular neck, which became a body of enormous proportions. It was winged, with huge battle scars lancing across its body. The wings were gigantic, almost as large as a barn. The dragon had gargantuan paws, with talons as dark as a winter night. The dragon flapped over the warlord, its back paws flying only an inch or so above his head.
And then it spoke, with its mind, in a deep, sonorous voice. It told of a new age, an age of darkness, where the warlord could rule the people of the world with impunity. The dragon spoke of the other, darker dragons, the Old Ones, whose hearts lay in chaos, rising up to claim what was once theirs. The warlord ensured that he would grant their request; they would regain their nesting grounds, as well as a blood price for what was taken from them by the insolent humans, orcs and dwarves. The denarths would also join the dragons; they hated the other races as much as the dark dragons. Together, they would be the ultimate army; the strongest that Neskaatin had ever seen.
The warlord smiled. It was a cruel smile, more a grimace than an expression of happiness.
“I will join you,” the warlord told the dragon, “Together, we will dominate all of Maversnit.”
The dragon growled, then. Swear it. Make a blood oath at this, the Lake of Tears, the Vatn Tár, so you will never break your oath. Otherwise, how will we know if you turn on us? We have been betrayed too many times, warlord.
The man took out a hunting knife with a handle of bone. He held out his left hand, and pricked the vein in his index finger. Blood spurted from the wound. He held out his hand. The dragon scratched the wound, opening it with its talons.
Let your blood fall in the water, the dragon hissed.
The man did so, and the surface of the lake turned blood red. The dragon dove back into the lake, and a hissing noise could be heard. When the dragon emerged once more, its scars glowed. The water steamed and turned black for an instant, until the dragon flew out of the lake. The water regained its original colour. The man’s cut finger healed.
You have sealed your fate, human, as well as the fate of this land. Do not betray us, there are worse things than death.
The warlord turned, and walked through the destruction, back to his horse. Smiling, he mounted, and galloped toward the east, away from the death. He looked up, and saw the full moon obscured by a huge winged shape, with blue shadows protruding from the creature’s mouth. He smiled again, knowing that he would be the ruler of the greatest empire Neskaatin had ever, or would ever see. And he would rule forever.
That's just the prologue, lots more where that came from...but not sharing!
Crunch. The man stepped on a chunk of ice. Crunch. He was garbed in red cloth, marking him as a warlord. The man was tall and well built. A sword hung from his belt, sheathed in obsidian. He wore a circlet of gold -- another feature unique to his position. He kicked aside a body, the spear still embedded in the peasant’s neck. The eyes wide in horror as they took in the carnage of what used to be his village. The next man’s throat was slit. He could have been sleeping, if not for the glistening red smile that dripped red tears down his chest.
The warlord walked on. A serene lake was at the edge of the village, the shore only a few yards from the warlord’s descending footsteps. The sunlight shimmered over the frozen water. Suddenly, the ice shattered. A great, sparkling, horned head emerged from the surface of the lake. It was white, with razor sharp teeth. The horns curved once and then ended in deadly points. The nostrils were filled with blue flames. The head was connected to a thick, muscular neck, which became a body of enormous proportions. It was winged, with huge battle scars lancing across its body. The wings were gigantic, almost as large as a barn. The dragon had gargantuan paws, with talons as dark as a winter night. The dragon flapped over the warlord, its back paws flying only an inch or so above his head.
And then it spoke, with its mind, in a deep, sonorous voice. It told of a new age, an age of darkness, where the warlord could rule the people of the world with impunity. The dragon spoke of the other, darker dragons, the Old Ones, whose hearts lay in chaos, rising up to claim what was once theirs. The warlord ensured that he would grant their request; they would regain their nesting grounds, as well as a blood price for what was taken from them by the insolent humans, orcs and dwarves. The denarths would also join the dragons; they hated the other races as much as the dark dragons. Together, they would be the ultimate army; the strongest that Neskaatin had ever seen.
The warlord smiled. It was a cruel smile, more a grimace than an expression of happiness.
“I will join you,” the warlord told the dragon, “Together, we will dominate all of Maversnit.”
The dragon growled, then. Swear it. Make a blood oath at this, the Lake of Tears, the Vatn Tár, so you will never break your oath. Otherwise, how will we know if you turn on us? We have been betrayed too many times, warlord.
The man took out a hunting knife with a handle of bone. He held out his left hand, and pricked the vein in his index finger. Blood spurted from the wound. He held out his hand. The dragon scratched the wound, opening it with its talons.
Let your blood fall in the water, the dragon hissed.
The man did so, and the surface of the lake turned blood red. The dragon dove back into the lake, and a hissing noise could be heard. When the dragon emerged once more, its scars glowed. The water steamed and turned black for an instant, until the dragon flew out of the lake. The water regained its original colour. The man’s cut finger healed.
You have sealed your fate, human, as well as the fate of this land. Do not betray us, there are worse things than death.
The warlord turned, and walked through the destruction, back to his horse. Smiling, he mounted, and galloped toward the east, away from the death. He looked up, and saw the full moon obscured by a huge winged shape, with blue shadows protruding from the creature’s mouth. He smiled again, knowing that he would be the ruler of the greatest empire Neskaatin had ever, or would ever see. And he would rule forever.
That's just the prologue, lots more where that came from...but not sharing!
My kicks will give you U-NO-POO.
Hunters - Trespassers will be pwned.
I would like to CnC the way you write.
Well first of all the transitions were not very good. I mean you jump around too much you know what I'm saying? Like "He wore a circlet of gold" then you jump to "he kicked aside a body" I mean you could've put like "He wore a circlet of gold -- another feature unique to his position. AS HE CONTINUED HIS PACE he kicked aside a body" Or something similar to that. I mean, it's more convenient to read and it sounds smarter than jumping from this to this. and second I noticed while I was still reading some parts were kinda... "needed a second reading" I mean look at this "...still embedded in the peasant's neck. the eyes wide in horror" What? The eyes? the eyes of what? oh... the peasant... well you could've just said "...still embedded in the peasant's neck with his eyes wide in horror" You could just say it is your style but it's not that good in my taste. And the good thing here is how you describe things. I stopped reading at the first paragraph because I didn't find it leisurely to read. You can improve more though. continue the good job man. I love reading but I don't do it much soo... I might just continue reading if you make it more leisurely xD.
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And one more thing, if you're going to describe something at least start with the feet or from the head down. It makes the novel more alive and pretty.
Well first of all the transitions were not very good. I mean you jump around too much you know what I'm saying? Like "He wore a circlet of gold" then you jump to "he kicked aside a body" I mean you could've put like "He wore a circlet of gold -- another feature unique to his position. AS HE CONTINUED HIS PACE he kicked aside a body" Or something similar to that. I mean, it's more convenient to read and it sounds smarter than jumping from this to this. and second I noticed while I was still reading some parts were kinda... "needed a second reading" I mean look at this "...still embedded in the peasant's neck. the eyes wide in horror" What? The eyes? the eyes of what? oh... the peasant... well you could've just said "...still embedded in the peasant's neck with his eyes wide in horror" You could just say it is your style but it's not that good in my taste. And the good thing here is how you describe things. I stopped reading at the first paragraph because I didn't find it leisurely to read. You can improve more though. continue the good job man. I love reading but I don't do it much soo... I might just continue reading if you make it more leisurely xD.
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And one more thing, if you're going to describe something at least start with the feet or from the head down. It makes the novel more alive and pretty.
Last edited by Gotkicks2; Jun 7, 2012 at 12:41 AM.
Reason: <24 hour edit/bump
[Hunters] Pack Elder | Events squad leader | RSO | MMO
Gotkicks2
Gotkicks2
my first toribash video that i edited, CnC?
