I've searched, and I'm assming there is an easy answer to it but, is there a way to relax a single joint, or is it all or nothing?

Thanks in advance to anyone who helps my special arse out.

For single joints, press the "x" button. This will alternate a specific joint from Hold to Relax. You can press the "c" key to relax all of your joints.

Or... You could click it, unless you have the newest beta for toribash. Clicking only makes it raise, lower, extend, rotate, or contract.

not exactly, this is true for the last two versions of tb (3.82-3.83 b3) the newest (3.84 b4) is now available for download and has the old clicking system back.
you can find it here