First off, Cina, you have no idea how hard it is to be Christian on this forum. Some very nasty things going on here... I respect that TONS
Addicter, I really have no idea what to tell you because, well, I'm in the middle of this situation right now.
I started out normal: I go to church, do the stuff, go back home for a week and repeat. Then, I had confirmation class. After that, I felt this feeling that I never felt, when I got the oiled cross put on my forehead by my pastor and all the people saying "how proud they were" of me. Then... the feeling just gradually went away through the next few months. It wasn't until recently, when I started going to a new church, that I keep thinking about what Jesus did for me... and I keep thinking about The Passion (yes, I watched that. Once is enough, trust me) and what he went through to ensure that everyone would be here today, including me. And just last night, my dad had a calling to go help someone collect the hay out of their farm before it rained. I'm the complete oposite of physically fit, so I really loathed my dad making me go with him. But, after almost 2 hours or so of lifting hay without gloves, the lady that owned the farm stuck money in my back pocket. I checked it, and it was $50. Like, woah. I didn't know anything would happen for that. And I felt grateful for her and felt like it was meant for me to come there... It wasn't the money, it was the feeling that I helped someone. It still feels like a dream now. I don't know.
I'm just very confused at this point and just typing words that say what I'm thinking. I think I'm some sort of half-assing Christian because I hardly ever read my Bible and act like a total dick when I'm mad at the dumbest thing online.
Just... if you believe in this, pray for me and help me do what is right for my life