Original Post
Penguins and Teacups
This is a little story i wrote. I translated it into english and changed a few parts. Thought That would be the best thing to do (I don't know how many there are who understands Swedish here).
Warning: The logic in this history has been kidnapped and tortured to death.
Penguins and Teacups
Tonight at midnight I woke up by the breath of a dinosaur which was standing just beside my bed and breathing in my face. If its breath had not been the smell of rotting tomatoes this wouldn't have been so bad. I opened my eyes and looked right up its huge mouth with razor sharp teeth the size of bowling pins. My arm searched its way down to the floor beneath my bead where i keep my bowling ball to keep it from doing any more holes in my beautiful TV. I swung back my hand with all my power to throw the ball but realised to late it was in my other hand so I had to start over again. This time I swung the ball back and started feeling a strange sensation on my arm. I didn't think more of it until I had let go of the bowling ball and missed every single bowling pin. When I took a close look at my arm I noticed that a group of penguins had landed there to take a quick breather in the café on my elbow.
After waiting a while for the penguins to enter café Black eye I thought I might as well join them.
When I had decided it was time for some coffee and the green haired man behind the desk said that it was going to cost me 3 rocks and five nasal hairs and gave me a chainsaw. I began to pull some rocks out of my ear and then put the chainsaw to my nose and cut a few hairs off.
I walked away and sat down in an empty teacup as I waited for my coffee.
Soon a waitress approached with her hair very nicely tied around her arms. And in her right hand she held a tray with a high heeled shoe that she served to the penguin in the letterbox next to my candy cane striped teacup, with every other stripe red, every other stripe green, every other stripe yellow and every other circle blue. She looked towards me and with a smile she started walking. On the tray in her lower left arm she had a black shoe that she gave to me and continued into the kitchen. I took a small sip and enjoyed the the silk smooth taste of a perfect coffee with a sting of sweaty foot at the end. With a sigh I put down the shoe as carefully as I could, but the shockwaves were still so strong I could feel them all the way up in my shoulder.
When I stopped bouncing around in the café I looked down on the shards that a little while ago had been the teacup I enjoyed my coffee in. When noticed nobody was going to help me for a while I felt around in my pocket for the toast I made last week.
Like a ticking bomb a kangaroo came hopping in from the kitchen. She took a new cup out of her pouch to replace the one I broke. Thereafter she turned to water in a gigantic fireball and I continued with my breakfast.
A minute later, when I had stuffed my nose with sandwich, I stood up and looked for the exit. Just when I saw it I noticed a very nice smell in the air that tickled my toes. It came from the kitchen and I couldn't resist walking over there to investigate.
I peeked into the kitchen and saw my mother standing there. To my great surprise she was baking cookies. Then it hit me like a volcano beneath my knees.
I hadn't woken up yet.
Warning: The logic in this history has been kidnapped and tortured to death.
Penguins and Teacups
Tonight at midnight I woke up by the breath of a dinosaur which was standing just beside my bed and breathing in my face. If its breath had not been the smell of rotting tomatoes this wouldn't have been so bad. I opened my eyes and looked right up its huge mouth with razor sharp teeth the size of bowling pins. My arm searched its way down to the floor beneath my bead where i keep my bowling ball to keep it from doing any more holes in my beautiful TV. I swung back my hand with all my power to throw the ball but realised to late it was in my other hand so I had to start over again. This time I swung the ball back and started feeling a strange sensation on my arm. I didn't think more of it until I had let go of the bowling ball and missed every single bowling pin. When I took a close look at my arm I noticed that a group of penguins had landed there to take a quick breather in the café on my elbow.
After waiting a while for the penguins to enter café Black eye I thought I might as well join them.
When I had decided it was time for some coffee and the green haired man behind the desk said that it was going to cost me 3 rocks and five nasal hairs and gave me a chainsaw. I began to pull some rocks out of my ear and then put the chainsaw to my nose and cut a few hairs off.
I walked away and sat down in an empty teacup as I waited for my coffee.
Soon a waitress approached with her hair very nicely tied around her arms. And in her right hand she held a tray with a high heeled shoe that she served to the penguin in the letterbox next to my candy cane striped teacup, with every other stripe red, every other stripe green, every other stripe yellow and every other circle blue. She looked towards me and with a smile she started walking. On the tray in her lower left arm she had a black shoe that she gave to me and continued into the kitchen. I took a small sip and enjoyed the the silk smooth taste of a perfect coffee with a sting of sweaty foot at the end. With a sigh I put down the shoe as carefully as I could, but the shockwaves were still so strong I could feel them all the way up in my shoulder.
When I stopped bouncing around in the café I looked down on the shards that a little while ago had been the teacup I enjoyed my coffee in. When noticed nobody was going to help me for a while I felt around in my pocket for the toast I made last week.
Like a ticking bomb a kangaroo came hopping in from the kitchen. She took a new cup out of her pouch to replace the one I broke. Thereafter she turned to water in a gigantic fireball and I continued with my breakfast.
A minute later, when I had stuffed my nose with sandwich, I stood up and looked for the exit. Just when I saw it I noticed a very nice smell in the air that tickled my toes. It came from the kitchen and I couldn't resist walking over there to investigate.
I peeked into the kitchen and saw my mother standing there. To my great surprise she was baking cookies. Then it hit me like a volcano beneath my knees.
I hadn't woken up yet.
Probably the only pink Ninjabunny with pink bunnyslippers.
this is an empty space
Give me CARROTS!
gives me 30 tc
gives me 30 tc
Well I had to do a story as a Swedish assignment.
And your reaction to it is the one I was hoping to get from my teacher.
And your reaction to it is the one I was hoping to get from my teacher.
Probably the only pink Ninjabunny with pink bunnyslippers.
this is an empty space
Give me CARROTS!
gives me 30 tc
gives me 30 tc
Your grammar could do with a little improving in a couple of areas. The problems lie mainly with sentence structure and/or sentence length as opposed to word use.
"Tonight at midnight I woke up by the breath of a dinosaur which was standing just beside my bed and breathing in my face. If its breath had not been the smell of rotting tomatoes this wouldn't have been so bad."
A couple of errors here. I'd revise to something along the lines of:
"Tonight, at midnight, I was woken up by the breath of a dinosaur which was standing just beside my bed and breathing right in my face. This wouldn't have been so bad if its breath didn't smell of rotten tomatoes."
There are similar problems throughout - you tend to write very long sentences without much use of punctuation. This results in ridiculously long areas of text that are difficult to read. Another potential revision might be:
"When I had decided it was time for some coffee and the green haired man behind the desk said that it was going to cost me 3 rocks and five nasal hairs and gave me a chainsaw."
"When I had decided it was time for some coffee, the green-haired man behind the desk said that it was going to cost me three rocks and five nasal hairs. He then gave me a chainsaw."
etc.
Considering the fact that this was originally written in Swedish, most of the points I've made are redundant, and I couldn't offer you any help on that if I tried.
Glad to see that someone's got some original ideas, though. This is the sort of stuff I always wished I could put down into writing. Mind you, I haven't tried in years...
"Tonight at midnight I woke up by the breath of a dinosaur which was standing just beside my bed and breathing in my face. If its breath had not been the smell of rotting tomatoes this wouldn't have been so bad."
A couple of errors here. I'd revise to something along the lines of:
"Tonight, at midnight, I was woken up by the breath of a dinosaur which was standing just beside my bed and breathing right in my face. This wouldn't have been so bad if its breath didn't smell of rotten tomatoes."
There are similar problems throughout - you tend to write very long sentences without much use of punctuation. This results in ridiculously long areas of text that are difficult to read. Another potential revision might be:
"When I had decided it was time for some coffee and the green haired man behind the desk said that it was going to cost me 3 rocks and five nasal hairs and gave me a chainsaw."
"When I had decided it was time for some coffee, the green-haired man behind the desk said that it was going to cost me three rocks and five nasal hairs. He then gave me a chainsaw."
etc.
Considering the fact that this was originally written in Swedish, most of the points I've made are redundant, and I couldn't offer you any help on that if I tried.
Glad to see that someone's got some original ideas, though. This is the sort of stuff I always wished I could put down into writing. Mind you, I haven't tried in years...
"Call yourself alive? I promise you you'll be deafened by dust falling on the furniture,
you'll feel your eyebrows turning to two gashes, and your shoulder blades will ache for want of wings."
you'll feel your eyebrows turning to two gashes, and your shoulder blades will ache for want of wings."
