Year 10 Formal approaches and an air of loneliness and desperation hits My High School (MHS) harder than a younger Hugh Hefner. People struggle for the courage to ask someone to go with them, all the decent ladies already taken. With no interest in asking anyone at this late stage, having only just decided I was going, I had given up hope and was going with my group of friends, looking forward to the afterparty more than the terribly-organised, half-assed formal.

A former interest of the female population approaches me in PE (what you Amerifags call Gym) smiling. I had asked this girl out 3 times over a three year period. The answers were "No," "Piss off," and "Fuck off," in chronological order. We had stayed friends, disallowing the fact that she's a conceited slut who experiences modd swings, most of every day. What is important here, is the way she started the conversation.

"It's your lucky day!"

Confused, I gave her a look that demanded more details.

"You're going to the formal with me."

A wave of rage and built-up sexual frustration hit me and I tried hard not to reply. Later in the week, after multiple text messages, instant messages and emails, she managed to bring up the formal issue again. She told me over the phone, that she really liked me and wanted me to take her, as we were the "best of friends". I saw through the lies and the fake Indicators of Interest stood out like dogs' balls.

"I don't think we should go together. I'm looking to go with someone else."

While I didn't have a particular someone in mind, I knew the reason behind her asking and wanted to distance myself from it.

"Come on... Don't you find me attractive?"

"Of course I find you attractive. Look, if it doesn't work out with this other chick, I'll go with you."

Now this may seem harsh, but we need to take circumstance into account. This girl's social rep had fallen quicker than every one of Kimbo's opponents, over the last few months. I knew that she had no friends left and didn't want to go by herself.

Cue tears. Word spread from an acquiantance of the girl in question that the girl in question was my last resort and this lowered both my own and her social value, which up until it happened, I couldn't imagine.

The only way to raise my social value enough to a respectable level was to apologize in front of a load of people. You can imagine how white my knuckles were, when I had to apologize for being a last resort. I was simply turning the tables on her.

The apology was extremely hard to go through with but in a small high school, it's better to pretend you were wrong and make amends, than run against the groove and be the social outcast. With the apology came another request of formal attendance in the partner/date form. In front of a small crowd, I couldn't decline or the unneccesary apology would have been even moreso unneccesary.

The next day, after the hype had died down, a short one-line changed the scene yet again. Having just regained my previous social status, she hit me with this:

"I'm going with Kate."

She had just established that I was never to have a date to this formal by getting me to apologise, then ditching me the next day. Even the women I was tuning since before the whole incident have instantly become quiet, not investing in conversations or allowing me to reach hook point.

Having spent the last half hour venting, I am sure I have convinced you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that women are evil.