imma be all harshnuggets on you because im in that type of mood.
first thing, your opener was too simple an way too long. The random flails are rather bad. Your flow is just... meh.. You're too stiff (no.. dont take it that way.. bad person.) you could use a lot more practice my friend.. try to relax more and not be so full hold. it ends up looking a bit stiff, trust me..