Toribash
Since its pen art I guess there is no rubbing out but for something you drew in the dark its not too bad but I would advise, less rectangles and squares :P
Hey, this looks pretty nice. You've got the overall shape of the eye right and it looks nice.

Listen, I literally doodle and draw things with my pen all the time, when it comes to cross hatching you have to to quick confident strokes. Let's say 5 thisway, 5 the other way, a bit more here, treat it like normal shading with a pencil.

Example

This art style reminds me of Gorillaz Inc concepts. It's very cartoon-ish and you should make a character out of it.