Far off in the icy winds of Canada, in a quiet neighborhood of good people making an honest living there was a house for sale. While the people of the town were all happy and excited about the idea of new neighbors to their stagnant town little did they know that this house was about to become the headquarters of the legendary KPK Trio.

KPK, oh you don’t know them? Well fear not young one’s let me tell you of their legacy. KPK stands for KouSenpai, Pouffywall, and Katzkune, also known as Don, Nic, and Connor. This was a Trio of friends just like the name implies, but they are not just an ordinary trio. These three are probably the biggest, most repulsive, obnoxious, perverts the world has ever known. Whether it was staring at neko girls, eye-balling small girls, or mentally undressing women, these guys were always the perviest of them all. Otaku Uber Perverts of the highest caliber and now they were moving into this town.

It was around 4:00pm that the moving vans came around to unload the Trio’s “possessions” into the house. The curious neighbors watching on hoping to get a glimpse at what the new neighbor’s taste was or if they could learn anything about them from their possessions. As the eager residents looked upon the vehicles with excitement and awe their facial expressions quickly began to turn to one’s of judgment and shock. They gazed on speechless as they saw thing being unloaded like body pillows of Waifus, chains to be fastened to walls, people in cages with the words “N.Y.A.A. Recruit” stamped on them, boxes on boxes of manga/anime, and various other otaku possessions. Though they never saw the Trio, little did they know the Trio were shut-ins that didn’t like the outside much and preferred to stay inside out of sight.

The people slept silently, but fearfully that night in terror of the thought of what kind of people could have moved in. Then at the break of night the Trio made their first move. As the Trio gazed out their windows upon the new place which was their neighborhood they spotted something that left them breathless. A woman of about 18 in age jogging down the road. She had long brown hair in a ponytail, a SAO shirt that outlined her D-cup chest tightly, and black yoga pants that would leave any pervert in heat. They gazed upon this unexpected sight, their breath fogging up the window while drool began to drop from their mouths. KouSenpai wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders and let out a quick grunt, the others instantly knew it meant “we must get a closer look at this” and let out grunts of approval.

The Trio dressed in Sweatpants and T-shirts with ecchi looking women upon them set out into the night. They creeped behind the row of bushes that ran alongside the sidewalk the woman was jogging on. As the woman stopped at a lightpole to take a break the Trio got directly behind her on the other side of the bushes, only a meer 3 feet separating them. The woman, facing the street, suddenly decided to take a mid jog stretch and began bending over and doing a bunch of poses to limber herself up. As KouSenpai and Katzkune peeked over the bush their eyes gleamed in delight, but suddenly they heard a faith noise as if someone were… FAPPING!! They turned about quickly to see young Pouffywall with his hands down his pants no longer able to control his urges. A few seconds later they heard to woman begin to stand up straight to look in their direction. The two dove after Pouffywall tackling him to the groung and stopping his fapping, they layed silently in the darkness on the other side of the bush hoping the woman wouldn’t see them.

To their luck the woman quickly lost interest in the noise and began to start walking away to return to her jog, but before she could get to far a stray cat that had ben hid hearby the trio was unfortunate enough to have its tail stepped on by Katzkune while he was trying to get back up from tackling Pouffywall. The cat jumped at Pouffywall in a rage and sunk its claws into his ass. Letting out a loud scream Pouffywall jumped to his feet with his hands still in his pants, the two jumped up to hopefully hide him behind the bush in time, but it was too late. Their eyes met with that of the confused and terrified woman’s as she gazed upon three males in perverted clothing, one with his hands still down his pants. The woman screamed sending the Trio into a panic as they fled back towards their house. In the Panic to get back KouSenpai snagged his sweatpants on the bush and they were quickly ripped off, he was sent stumbling forward and clutched at Katzkune’s shirt, thought it quickly gave way exposing Katzkune’s chest as the shirt ripped off. Without giving it a second thought the trio kept running.

Upon reaching their house they scrambled for the door, but quickly realizing the door was locked and since they just moved in they had no spare key hidden outside. Thankfully Katzkune pointed out they had left the second story windown to one of the front rooms open, but with KouSenpai and Katzkune both missing clothing neither of them wanted to climb on the roof and be seen and labeled as streekers too. They sent nic up to get the window watching as he scurried up the roof to the window. While he was climbing throught the window Katzkune and KouSenpai noticed a group of people walking towards their house with flashlights, probably the neighborhood watch. They Ran around back to hide as the group approached the house and knocked on the door. Pouffywall how had just got inside heard the knocking and mistaked it for the other guys and went to answer the door as he was. As the door opened the man in front began to say “Hey we’re going door to door to warm everyone about some peeping t….” the man stopped mid sentence when the door fully opened to reveal Pouffywall, in a dirty shirt with an imange of a Lolita showing her panties and what appeared to be a cum stain on his sweatpants for his fap earlier. The man awkwardly finished his sentence as nic stared on with a blank look of shock on his face at the man “umm yea there are some peeping toms out so if you see anything please call the number on this card for the neighborhood watch. Have a good night sir” The man and his assorted group of men and women walked of in shock and awe at their first meeting with one of their new neighbors.

And so with that the Trios first impression on the people of this once stagnant town was set in stone. From that day on no one ever looked in curiosity at that house, but instead adverted their gazes for fear of what they might see next.

Already in this past week, there have been: Three restraining orders, a bit of a run in with the police (Pouffywall let his lolita complex get the best of him), and a carpet replacement in Kousenpai’s bedroom. But all that is in the past - dead and over with - and our group has come up with another grand scheme. Unfortunately, the trio is running low on their supply of fresh pantsu. A heist needed to be organized. To our trio’s luck, a shopping mall with a Victoria’s secret was but a mere 3 blocks away, so after a day of planing and another half a day of rigorous training, the group was ready.

They donned various Bleach masks, wielded prop Sword Art Online swords, and they were ready for action. Sprinting out of their home, they blitzed the store, waving their swords and screaming “Pomf” at the top of their lungs.

Kousenpai: “FOR KING AND COUNTRY!”

Katzkune: “POMF POMF KIMOCHI, WHAT’S THIS STICKY STUFF ON ME...”

Pouffywall: “THEY PLAY WITH ME UNTIL I SMELL LIKE - SON OF A BITCH!”

Pouffywall collapsed, having been tazed in the ass by a mall security guard as he ran by. Kousenpai and Katzkune were furious. They released their Bankai and flew at the security guard in a whirlwind of fury. When Pouffywall finally came to, he found himself being carried on the back of Kousenpai. Still a little dazed and confused, he only caught a fleeting glance of a mall security officer naked and bruised, with the tip of the Elucidator lodged in his rectum.

Upon arriving back home, they devised another plan to refill their stock of pantsu. Together, they would all do what one could not. They would go back to the neighbor girl’s house, and they would raid her drawers.

They threw their masks back on, and became Neliel, Hollow Ichigo, and some generic Hollow that was probably killed in the first five episodes. They climbed to her second story window, and arrived on the scene of their soon-to-be crime. Kousenpai got immediately to work. He found her bedroom, threw open all her drawers, and started doing things that aren’t appropriate to talk about. Pouffywall and Katzkune acted as sentries, and they searched for anyone that might be home. Katzkune explored the upstairs rooms, and Pouffywall stuck by her bedroom, in case she returned before the deed was done.

Then the damndest thing happened: Katzkune heard running water. He inched closer to the source of the sound, the bathroom, and concluded that this neighbor girl was running a bath!

“Jackpot!” Katzkune whispered to himself, already pulling out his phone to practice his film directing skills.

Meanwhile, Kousenpai and Pouffywall were wrapping up their secret operation. After throwing his bag of newly acquired pantsu onto the front lawn, Kousenpai started climbing out of the window, intending to jump and use his pantsu as a cushion. Pouffywall interjected, however, and reminded him that they needed Katzkune, either dead or alive, in order to cover their tracks. They went together, spying around the house, looking for their Houdini of a friend.

Katzkune had two minutes of video when he felt a hand tap him on the shoulder, then punch him in the throat.

“What the hell man! Why didn’t you come get us!” Pouffywall angrily whispered.

Unable to speak because of Kousenpai’s angry outlash, Katzkune simply lowered his head in shame.

“Is... somebody there?”

The trio started to flip the fuck out. They scrambled down the hallway, and started to pack themselves in front of the window, getting ready to let themselves down. Kousenpai got down successfully, but Katzkune and Pouffywall weren’t so lucky. As Katzkune was climbing down, the neighbor girl, clothed in a bathrobe, fouled the trio’s grand escape.

“What the hell are you doing here! You weren’t watching me in the bath, where you!” She was pissed.

Pouffywall, not knowing what to do (and having already pissed himself) commented nervously, “Pretty, uh, fine weather we’re ha-” Katzkune cut him off by grabbing Pouffywall and pulling him out of the window. Kousenpai and Katzkune dragged a probably concussed Pouffywall home, and they enjoyed a goldmine of pansu and the bathing video for a fortnight.