Any of you here familiar with the PC game Mount and Blade: Warband?

My friend wrote a story inspired by it on Wattpad and I was wondering if players of the game would be interested. Only the prologue is out so far, but Chapter one will be out soon.

Here it is: http://w.tt/1DN2ZiR

i didn't actually read more than a few paragraphs, but might i ask your friend why 75% of the phrases in the very first paragraph begin with I? it is a bit too familiar to a 4th grade text and not the best way to begin the story i think. it if is a literary thing, then i don't really see the reason for it

i don't know if your friend has any means of reading this post, but if you can please do transmit him what i say

after reading the second paragraph it seems like he is just telling a story without much emphasis on emotions. a great way to register emotion is to give objects an adjective. for example:

in the line "As the masked executioner raised his iron mace to bash my skull(...)" your friend could have given us a lot more information and have made the line more "pretty" with an adjective regarding the mace.

"As the masked executioner raised his condescending iron mace to bash my skull(...)" would have given us the impression that the executioner is disdainful or scornful towards the main character, maybe because he hates his kind/race/whatever ties up to the plot. it is things like that that enrich the story and make it a lot more varied than a bunch of straight forward sentences. "As the masked executioner raised his hesitant iron mace to bash my skull(...)" on the other hand would make it seem like the executioner, for some reason, does not wish to kill the character, or dislikes his job. hopefully your friend gets what i mean (that is if you even show him this)

also i don't see the purpose of saying "with my hair cut above my neck" in that circumstance, i was reading about a village and then suddenly physical characterization.
-----
edit: oh but if you do actually take my advice please be aware that sticking unnecessary adjectives left and right is one of the most pretentious thing one can do :o there is a place for everything

verbosity is a bad quality

@pusga
That's actually some good advice. I'm gonna send it to him.

I'm more curious as to why an executioner would use a mace of all things. Executions during the time Mount & Blade: Warband is based on would not have been performed with a mace. If you were in any way important, it was by sword you'd be killed by at the very least, axe as standard. If you weren't important, and your crime merited death, they would just hang you, drown you, burn you, or just stab you and be done with it.