Not sure what's your problem but I believe the order is extend/contract/hold/relax everytime you click a joint.
If this is a mess you can use the keyboard , place the mouse over the joint you want to manipulate and then press one of the following keys :
z to contract/extend
x to hold/relax
c to hold/relax all joints at one time
v to grab/ungrab both hands at the same time
and that's it, pretty much all you need.